To The Next One Who is Thinking of Murder

I woke up today, and made the mistake of checking my social media pages. There is was.. another murder. Sometimes when I look its only one or two deaths, but most days its dozens. I ask myself why, every day. Why do you feel the need to take someone’s life along with your own? I understand we could never know what is going through your mind, or the way you are feeling, but what I do understand is that life hurts. We all have hurt. We all feel, we are all a little unstable at times; but, we don’t all come unhinged in that sense. We don’t all commit selfish acts that categorize us in a column of evil, and we don’t all drag others down with us.

We find ways to cope with the pain of life, and ways to make things feel better. Just because you can’t completely make the pain go away, doesn’t mean you can’t find ways to ease it, and make life worth living. Everyone has a life, we all protect it with everything we have, it truly is the one thing we really have. We can’t take anything but our souls with us to the grave, so if you are the one to take that away from someone, you truly are the evil that lies within this world. Taking someone else’s life is a cowardly act that only the most sinister of people commit. It doesn’t make you better than anyone, it doesn’t put you in control, and it doesn’t make you more powerful. What it does, is it makes you a coward who cannot cope with problems like the rest of us. It makes you weak, and out of control of your own life. Committing murder is the one most unacceptable thing a person could do, and I am sure you feel like this is a good reason to do it, but do you understand what you are doing?

I recently lost my grandmother, and I have never lost anyone before. I now know what it’s like to lose someone close, and what it’s like to want them back. When I think of what is going through your mind I think it is much like what was going through my mind when I lost my grandma. I think you lost touch with yourself. I think somewhere deep inside you forgot that you are loved, and needed. You forgot that the only thing in this life that matters, if you think you have nobody, is you. You matter. You have your own way you brighten this world, and make it better every day for someone, even if it’s just yourself. If you think you have nobody, then you have lost touch in your faith no matter what that faith is in. It could be faith in god, family, love, or most of all yourself. You need to have faith in yourself and always remember that life isn’t as hard as you think it is. There is someone out there coping just like you. They are feeling what you feel, and if you think nobody understands, you must remember that we are human. Being a human means that we make mistakes, and we all share something with one another no matter what it is.

All I am trying to say is that no matter how much you hurt, you are not alone. You don’t need to take the lives of innocent people to prove that you’re hurting, because we all know. We are all hurting and coping just like you, and we all feel just like you. Don’t take the life of that person next to you just because you can, take your own life back and make a change because you can. You really can make a difference if you just remember that we are all equal. Nobody is better, and nobody is worse. Our lives are all about decisions, and some people make better ones than others. This choice you are about to make, makes you the bad person who makes the bad mistakes, but if you just decide to put the gun down, and keep trying it makes you the person that is really in control. The person who is strong enough to take life back, and not take it away. It truly makes you the one in control.

If you ever feel that you’re not important, or that your life doesn’t matter, it does. If you want to take control of your own life back, it starts with the first step. Everyone needs help at some point in life, don’t be ashamed.

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

An Open Letter To My Stepfather

When I was just a little girl, my mom met you and fell in love. She told you she had children, and you even had your own. You made it seem like you accepted us, and wanted us as your own too, but that was just at first. At first you were around when my mom needed you, and you made it seem like you wanted to be a father figure to us, because that made you more appealing. At first, it’s all about being the good guy, well, at least for a person like you it is.

At first, we were all perfect in your eyes and you made it seem like this was something you were looking for forever. But you knew it wasn’t. You knew you didn’t want any of us. What we didn’t know, was that you were the master of manipulation, and that you could play along with any little game just to get my mom’s attention. She was a hard worker who had a good plan to make a lot of money, that’s all you saw. You saw an opportunity to take someone’s life and mold it into something you want, because her life had hardly begun, and she didn’t know any better.

You are controlling, manipulative, and abusive. You are a killer. You kill the good things inside people who are around you, and that’s not even the worst thing. You shot our dog when we moved in with you, you shoot eagles, you kill things out of season, and the thing I resent the most, is you made us kill. You made my sister kill a litter of puppies when she was too young to tell you no because you would hurt us if we did. You made us kill a sheep with nothing but a big stick. You made us throw puppies and kittens over a bridge because you said they were too sick to live. You are sick, and you need help. None of this has ever been okay but you being your manipulative self, you made it okay.

My mom always thought you were right. She always believed every word you said because you made her think that way. You made my mom into your puppet. You pull her strings and spend her money like her body is lifeless. She is just a used-up soul, a new toy for you. You took her and made her into something and someone nobody wants to be around, and not even herself. She hates herself because you make her hate her. You make her think she has no other choice but you because she isn’t good enough for anyone. You make her think if she were to leave she would not make it on her own. You make her think that you are the only reason she is where she is today, and she doesn’t know any better but to believe you because that is all she knows.

She lost her children because you pushed them away. You blind her with your bullshit and try to shield her from anyone who will call you out on it. You took my mother’s beautiful heart, and soul, and you crushed it. You molded her life to the shape you wanted it, and now she is stuck. That’s right, she is stuck. You could do or say anything you want, but we all know that if she could go back and change it, she would rather surround herself with people who really do love her.

I am writing this letter to you, to inform you that I am done. I am no longer a part of your lives. You made her miss the biggest milestones of her children’s lives because you are a coward. The definition of a coward is, “A person who lacks the courage to do or endure dangerous or unpleasant things.” You missed these big events in my life because you are afraid my mother will see that the important things in life are what really matters, and you sir, are not one of them. You are a coward because you will not come forward to help us to solve this issue between you and I, but you hide behind my mother and put your words in her mouth.

It is time to face it. You win, and you can have my mother’s empty soul. But, just know that I had the best days of her life, and you will never have her like I did. You will never get to see the real person that is inside her because you killed her, and you continue to do so every day. Just always remember that she is not, and will never be, happy with you no matter how hard you try to make her think she is.

Am I in Love?

What does it feel like to be in love? Some people may never truly experience it, but once you know.. You just know. If you have to think about it, and wonder if it’s really what you want, then it’s really not what you want. People settle all to easily, and they don’t think about the consequences in the future. In the future, will he be patient, and kind with your children, if you decide to have them? Will he love you unconditionally for the rest of his life? Will he support you and all the things that you want to do with your life? Will he be the one you can go to with anything, and everything without hesitation? Ask yourself, what kind of a person is this man? Do you truly know from the bottom of your heart that he is the one for you, without a doubt?

It takes two to tango, so don’t forget that those questions should all apply to you, this is not a one sided thing. If you are truly in love with somebody, you cannot be available to other people. If you think flaunting your body, and yourself to other men/ women is okay, then you are simply not mature enough for a serious relationship. You have to learn that a relationship takes trust, and most importantly, RESPECT. To respect someone, you must always keep them in mind when making decisions and plans; besides, if you love someone, why would you want to make decisions and plans without them?

Nobody said love would be easy, in fact it’s the hardest thing I have ever known. Letting someone past the walls you put up takes time, and effort. Most people fail at relationships because they don’t take the time to understand one another. Opening up and letting someone in to see all your flaws, and all the dysfunctional things about you is the scariest thing I can think of. You, as a person are the only one who knows everything about you, but now you have this other person who wants to know, and that could be a good reason to push them away. If you are not ready to let someone see even your worst side, then you are not ready to make that lifelong commitment. Trying to always see something from your partners perspective takes lots of practice. It is easy to always be selfish and to think about yourself, but in order to make a relationship work you should always take into consideration the thoughts of others.

It is not a bad thing to not be ready to jump into a huge commitment. Love is something that should be able to wait and endure, it should not be rushed. Love is a powerful tool, its easy to use it against someone; but, that is the worst part about it. Love is a weapon of mass destruction, and when used the wrong way it can destroy someones life. It is easy to be blinded by love, and to not see what really matters in life if you are consumed by one person. If you really are in love with someone, then your life does not have to only consist of that person. To have a fulfilling relationship, you and your partner should be able to have time for friends and family.

A relationship that consists of only two people all the time is unhealthy, and can lead to being dependent on that person for all your emotional needs. Being emotionally bound to one person gives them the power to destroy your life. You can’t let people have that kind of power over you if you want to be in control of your own life. There is being in love, then there is being addicted. Addiction is blinding, we all know someone who suffers from this all too well.

Love is strong, but it is worth it. Good, or bad, love is a lesson worth learning, and it’s constantly evolving. So again, what does it feel like to be in love? It feels like the bumpiest ride of your life, but the view at the top is breathtaking.