An Open Letter To My Stepfather

When I was just a little girl, my mom met you and fell in love. She told you she had children, and you even had your own. You made it seem like you accepted us, and wanted us as your own too, but that was just at first. At first you were around when my mom needed you, and you made it seem like you wanted to be a father figure to us, because that made you more appealing. At first, it’s all about being the good guy, well, at least for a person like you it is.

At first, we were all perfect in your eyes and you made it seem like this was something you were looking for forever. But you knew it wasn’t. You knew you didn’t want any of us. What we didn’t know, was that you were the master of manipulation, and that you could play along with any little game just to get my mom’s attention. She was a hard worker who had a good plan to make a lot of money, that’s all you saw. You saw an opportunity to take someone’s life and mold it into something you want, because her life had hardly begun, and she didn’t know any better.

You are controlling, manipulative, and abusive. You are a killer. You kill the good things inside people who are around you, and that’s not even the worst thing. You shot our dog when we moved in with you, you shoot eagles, you kill things out of season, and the thing I resent the most, is you made us kill. You made my sister kill a litter of puppies when she was too young to tell you no because you would hurt us if we did. You made us kill a sheep with nothing but a big stick. You made us throw puppies and kittens over a bridge because you said they were too sick to live. You are sick, and you need help. None of this has ever been okay but you being your manipulative self, you made it okay.

My mom always thought you were right. She always believed every word you said because you made her think that way. You made my mom into your puppet. You pull her strings and spend her money like her body is lifeless. She is just a used-up soul, a new toy for you. You took her and made her into something and someone nobody wants to be around, and not even herself. She hates herself because you make her hate her. You make her think she has no other choice but you because she isn’t good enough for anyone. You make her think if she were to leave she would not make it on her own. You make her think that you are the only reason she is where she is today, and she doesn’t know any better but to believe you because that is all she knows.

She lost her children because you pushed them away. You blind her with your bullshit and try to shield her from anyone who will call you out on it. You took my mother’s beautiful heart, and soul, and you crushed it. You molded her life to the shape you wanted it, and now she is stuck. That’s right, she is stuck. You could do or say anything you want, but we all know that if she could go back and change it, she would rather surround herself with people who really do love her.

I am writing this letter to you, to inform you that I am done. I am no longer a part of your lives. You made her miss the biggest milestones of her children’s lives because you are a coward. The definition of a coward is, “A person who lacks the courage to do or endure dangerous or unpleasant things.” You missed these big events in my life because you are afraid my mother will see that the important things in life are what really matters, and you sir, are not one of them. You are a coward because you will not come forward to help us to solve this issue between you and I, but you hide behind my mother and put your words in her mouth.

It is time to face it. You win, and you can have my mother’s empty soul. But, just know that I had the best days of her life, and you will never have her like I did. You will never get to see the real person that is inside her because you killed her, and you continue to do so every day. Just always remember that she is not, and will never be, happy with you no matter how hard you try to make her think she is.

Am I in Love?

What does it feel like to be in love? Some people may never truly experience it, but once you know.. You just know. If you have to think about it, and wonder if it’s really what you want, then it’s really not what you want. People settle all to easily, and they don’t think about the consequences in the future. In the future, will he be patient, and kind with your children, if you decide to have them? Will he love you unconditionally for the rest of his life? Will he support you and all the things that you want to do with your life? Will he be the one you can go to with anything, and everything without hesitation? Ask yourself, what kind of a person is this man? Do you truly know from the bottom of your heart that he is the one for you, without a doubt?

It takes two to tango, so don’t forget that those questions should all apply to you, this is not a one sided thing. If you are truly in love with somebody, you cannot be available to other people. If you think flaunting your body, and yourself to other men/ women is okay, then you are simply not mature enough for a serious relationship. You have to learn that a relationship takes trust, and most importantly, RESPECT. To respect someone, you must always keep them in mind when making decisions and plans; besides, if you love someone, why would you want to make decisions and plans without them?

Nobody said love would be easy, in fact it’s the hardest thing I have ever known. Letting someone past the walls you put up takes time, and effort. Most people fail at relationships because they don’t take the time to understand one another. Opening up and letting someone in to see all your flaws, and all the dysfunctional things about you is the scariest thing I can think of. You, as a person are the only one who knows everything about you, but now you have this other person who wants to know, and that could be a good reason to push them away. If you are not ready to let someone see even your worst side, then you are not ready to make that lifelong commitment. Trying to always see something from your partners perspective takes lots of practice. It is easy to always be selfish and to think about yourself, but in order to make a relationship work you should always take into consideration the thoughts of others.

It is not a bad thing to not be ready to jump into a huge commitment. Love is something that should be able to wait and endure, it should not be rushed. Love is a powerful tool, its easy to use it against someone; but, that is the worst part about it. Love is a weapon of mass destruction, and when used the wrong way it can destroy someones life. It is easy to be blinded by love, and to not see what really matters in life if you are consumed by one person. If you really are in love with someone, then your life does not have to only consist of that person. To have a fulfilling relationship, you and your partner should be able to have time for friends and family.

A relationship that consists of only two people all the time is unhealthy, and can lead to being dependent on that person for all your emotional needs. Being emotionally bound to one person gives them the power to destroy your life. You can’t let people have that kind of power over you if you want to be in control of your own life. There is being in love, then there is being addicted. Addiction is blinding, we all know someone who suffers from this all too well.

Love is strong, but it is worth it. Good, or bad, love is a lesson worth learning, and it’s constantly evolving. So again, what does it feel like to be in love? It feels like the bumpiest ride of your life, but the view at the top is breathtaking.